


Condition Diagnosis: Sudden Onset Phantom

by GothMoth



Series: Phantom Phang Phucking Phreaking Phantastical Phabulous Phic Phight Phics 2.0 (The 2020 Edition) [4]
Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: A New Halfa Appears, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Doppelganger, Gen, Kinda Crack, Swearing, Wes fucking dies, mix up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23487493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothMoth/pseuds/GothMoth
Summary: Wes wants to snoop out the Fenton Lab and things in typical fashion go wrong.
Series: Phantom Phang Phucking Phreaking Phantastical Phabulous Phic Phight Phics 2.0 (The 2020 Edition) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685341
Comments: 16
Kudos: 132
Collections: Phic Phight!





	Condition Diagnosis: Sudden Onset Phantom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alexa_Piper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexa_Piper/gifts).



> Prompt Creators: Alexa_Piper and Seeminglynoticeable   
> Prompts: Wes Weston, self-proclaimed teenage spectral detective and town-renowned conspiracy theorist, accidentally gets caught in a malfunctioning Fenton Ghost Portal. To say he's unimpressed when he wakes up dead is an understatement. (AKA Wes unintentionally becomes a halfa. Chaos ensues.) and Doppelganger

Danny comes partly down the steps and just sort of... _stares_ , “seriously Wes?”. Stepping down onto the lab floor, unabashedly eyeballing the nosey ginger while said ginger is zipping up a jumpsuit.

Danny glancing at his dad as he claps his hands together excitedly, “Danny-boy! Look who wanted to check out ghosts! Isn’t that wonderful!”, clapping Danny on the back, “now I’ve got three boys to teach the ways of hunting down evil ectoplasmic manifestations!”. Danny sticks his tongue out at Wes for snickering. 

“Uh, that’s great dad. Guess you don’t need me cleaning the lab then?”. 

Jack waves him off, “nonsense! Why clean when you can learn!”. Danny’s not sure which option would be more unpleasant and potentially dangerous. 

Danny glares at Wes while his dad goes and smacks the portal. Danny walking over and whispering at Wes, “I fucking hate you”. 

“Yeah? And I hate you too”. Danny just snorts while Wes continues, “and why don’t you have to wear a suit?”.

Danny smirks, “mine’s a little too _dead_ ”. 

“Fuck you, Phantom. Fuck you”. 

The semi-private conversation getting broken up by an unawares Jack, who grabs both boys' shoulders and yanks them in front of the portal. Both boys going slightly wide-eyes from being unexpectedly snatched. 

Jack bellowing out, “now Danny-boy already knows this, but!-”, gesturing grandly, “-this is the wonderful Fenton Family Portal! Built it ourselves!”, wiping away a tear, “she’s a thing of beauty”. 

Wes glances at Danny while Jack runs around grabbing things, “so is _this_ what offed you?”.

Danny could do with Wes cutting out trying to figure that particular mystery out, “oh like I’d tell you, you unsalted baked potato chip”. Wes scowls at him, which is exactly what Danny was hoping for. Score one for the halfa. 

Wes lifts up a finger and moves to poke the frame, “so it won’t bother you if I do _this_?”. Jabbing the metal a few times just to attempt to get a rise. 

Danny rolls his eyes, shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks on his heels, “nope. Can’t say I care”. He was exceptionally used to people poking and prodding what was essentially his grave. If this bothered him, he’d have bigger issues than some annoying wannabe sleuth. 

Jack bounds back over and shoves vials into the two boys' hands, “obviously you’re familiar with ectoplasm! Who isn’t!-”. 

Danny butting in with, “everyone outside of Amity actually”, and expectedly gets ignored. Though he almost feels embarrassed when Wes actually looks the vial over like he’s actually interested. 

Jack keeps on going, “-even though it comes from those darn filth ghosts and their world, it’s super useful stuff! In fact, this whole building is powered by the stuff!”, shoving an ecto-blaster at Wes, “weapons included! Cause, after all, the only thing that really hurts the spookies is ectoplasm!”. 

Jack runs off to sift through things again while Wes accidentally shoots the ceiling. Danny sighs, was Wes a smart sneaky bastard? Yes. Experienced, skilled, or safe with weapons? Not so much. Commenting with a slight eye-roll, “don’t blow your head off. Or maybe do, that might be interesting”. 

Jack waves Danny off as he comes back with a bunch of little scanner devices, “oh don’t worry about that! It’s not like this sort of thing could do anything to a human”. 

Wes snorts and rolls his eyes, lazily pointing the gun at Danny just to be a bit of a prick. Firmly enjoying how Danny shifts out of the way a little, score one for the detective. Speaking sarcastically, “oh yeah, I’m suuuuuure this’ll do precisely nothing to anyone here”.

Said sarcasm seemingly goes right over Jack’s head, “righty-o! Now the really powerful stuff, that can give you a nasty ecto-burn. But I’m usually the only one who has to deal with that!”. A sudden blast shakes the house slightly, as if sensing Jack was manhandling weapons and thus something needed to be blown up. Jack turning his head to look up, “oh! Right! Mads was having me work on that Spectral Refactal!”, chuckling and rubbing his neck, “I should probably make sure it didn’t just invert the microwave”. 

Wes mutters to himself, “why’s it in the microwave?”. Danny just rolls his eyes as if the answer should be obvious, earning another scowl. Score two for the halfa. 

Jack turning back to the boys before moving to head upstairs, “maybe you should show him around a little Danny? Don’t worry about anything popping out from the portal! She’s deactivated!”. 

Danny glances at the -open, but without the typical swirl of the Ghost Zone- portal and thinks that’s a little obvious. Face palming as his dad claps Wes on the back hard enough to knock him inside. 

Grumbling at the guy while his dad leaves, “you should probably get out of there”. 

Wes grumbles back from the ground, “what if I don’t feel like it. I was training earlier”.

Danny makes a real effort of sounding mock shocked, “you mean you still do things other than hound me?”. Wes lifts up his hand and flips him off. And that’s score three for the halfa, he’s on a roll. 

Wes props himself up on his elbows after a bit and at the sound of another explosion, “you know, you’re parents are a fucking nightmare”. 

Danny quirks an eyebrow, “pretty sure saying that while _inside one of their inventions_ qualifies as bad luck”. 

Wes stands up and bends down to wipe off his jumpsuit pants, “oh it’s not that bad, you overprotective stupid hero type”. 

Danny blinks and glares, “say that again, but to my face”. Danny would like it to be known that the slight burn on his face is decidedly _not_ from the sun. 

Wes straightens up and waves him off, going to speak but another explosion rattles the lab. Resulting in him pitching sideways slightly, Danny -being the overprotective idiot that he is- rushing over to grab him, and the two side-eyeing sudden sparks in the metal frame. 

“Heh, whoops”. 

Danny looks Wes straight in the eye, “I fucking hate you”. Not even seconds before there’s a great big flash and everything just changed. Molecules getting all rearranged. 

While Wes is freaking out and screaming, Danny merely looks to the side during this whole light show debacle with a slight pained expression like he’s staring into a comedically placed camera. “Oh you have got to be kidding me”, Danny should be worried. Really, he should. But this is all kinds of been there done that, so it’s kinda hard to be freaked out. Plus, this kind of crap is exactly the kind of thing that would happen. It tracks honestly. 

Though getting spat out the other side, the ghost side and in ghost form, is a new one. He thinks that’s probably a point on the sleuths scoreboard. But, as he stands up on the little island they landed on and notes Wes’s appearance, he also thinks kinda being an accessory to sorta accidental unintentional murder is score four for the halfa. Uh...the original halfa. No, that’s still wrong, Vlad doesn’t deserve a scoreboard. The OG Phantom? Sure, why not. Score four for the OG Phantom. 

Wes groans, “fucking _ghosts_ ”.

Danny snorts, “sorry, but I don’t like you in that way. In fact, I don’t like you at all”. That was a lie, he loved fucking with the guy. 

Wes pushes himself up, “you couldn’t have this if you wanted t-”, cutting himself off at spotting his glowing white jumpsuit gloves, “oh what the fuck?”. 

Danny shrugs but helps pull Wes up, “I don’t know man. I mean really, only _I_ would be dealing with something like this”. 

Wes is staring over himself, poking himself here and there. While Danny tilts his head, taking in Wes’s white hair (which yes is slightly different shaped, but who ever actually notices that?), green eyes, and skinny -lean if he’s being nice- glowing black n’ white jumpsuit. “Huh, you look like me when I was younger... just uglier”.

Wes points at him, “if I look ‘just like you’ then you were ugly”, pausing and screwing up his face, “and I’m not ugly at all!”. 

Is ‘let’s just ignore everything that just happened and pretend this isn’t totally fucked up and probably impossible’ how Wes wants to handle this? Okay, sure, why not. That’s Danny’s general go-to too. Danny smirks, score five for the OG Phantom, “what fourteen-year-old boy wasn’t ugly? You just happen to still be that way”. 

“Says the _kid_ who doesn’t age!”.

“Hey now, at least that happened _before_ I entered the whole pizza face stage. Unlike a _certain someone_ ”.

“Oh fuck you, Phantom”. 

“Which one?”.

“Fuck. You”, the period can be physically felt. 

Danny just shrugs, “all I’m saying, ‘Wes _ton_ ’ ‘phan _tom_ ’, sounds pretty similar if you ask me”. 

Wes throws his hands up and growls exasperatedly, “your name ends in ‘ton’ too! That means nothing! You literally look identical!”. 

Danny snorts and yanks on Wes’s white hair, “you looked in a mirror pal”.

“We have different hair cuts!”

“You _sure_ about that one?”. 

“Fuck off”. 

Ember flies by but backs up and looks between the two. Focusing on the Phantom with the DP, “wow, you still suck at duplication babypop. Not sure how you even messed up like this”. She’s not sure what to make of DP Phantom pointing at the other Phantom and shouting, “HA!”. But promptly decides she doesn’t even want to know when the other Phantom tackles DP Phantom and they go over the edge of the little island. Both apparently forgetting to fly. Which is pretty typical of Phantom. 

Danny stands up and brushes himself off, glaring down at Wes, “was that really necessary?”.

“I refuse to suffer alone”. 

Danny snorts, “think real hard about who you’re talking to”, tilting his head, “y’ know, for a guy who just kinda died, you’re taking this pretty well”, shrugging, “sure, I know someone who handled it better but still”. 

Wes pushes himself off the ground, “of course you do. That someone’s you. And I ain’t dead dead so fuck off”. 

Danny shrugs again, “I mean, technically, no”, looking him up and down, “it’s not like we _actually_ know you aren’t just straight-up dead”. 

Wes looks slightly panicked (Danny’s going to count that as score six for the OG Phantom) and promptly checks his pulse. Sighing very noticeably at finding it, then glaring at Danny, “fuck you so much”.

Danny shrugs, “it was a reasonable question”, looking around and up, whistling a little, “well, we fell a long way”.

“And who’s fault is that?”. 

“It sure as shit ain’t mine”.

“You can _fly_ , yes it is”. 

Danny quirks an eyebrow, “says the one of us who is _currently floating_ ”. 

Making Wes look down and ogle at his hovering feet, “well I’ll be damned”. Danny just facepalms. Wes is absolutely counting that as score three for the detective.

Danny doesn’t get the chance to respond as an ecto-beam blasts into the ground. Followed shortly by both of them getting slammed by said beams, except the beams seemingly cling around their waists like belts. 

Danny picks himself up off the ground, glances at it, tries and fails to fire an ecto-beam of his own at it, and groans, “ _why me_?”. Picking up Wes and functionally dragging the groaning sleuth as he runs off. 

Wes gets his butt in gear and starts booking it -faster than Danny honestly thought the nosey prat could- when the two hear Walker shout, “punk! That’s destruction of local flora and unsanctioned cloning experimentation!”. 

Wes screaming back, “I am not a goddamn clone!”, as they dive bomb behind some rocks. 

Danny grins almost giddily, “would you look at that, first day of being a halfa and you’re already a wanted criminal”, wiping away a fake tear while they continue to run, “I’m so proud. You really are a Phantom”. 

“Fuck. You”, punctuating his words with wheezing breaths, apparently not realising he doesn’t even need to be doing that. 

Danny grabs Wes’s chests and yanks him by the fabric around a wall. Slapping a hand on Wes’s wheezing mouth, “stop that you. It’s annoying”.

Wes bats his hands away, and apparently forgets they’re attempting at hiding, “what kind of person finds _breathing_ annoying?”.

Danny just straight up doesn’t care that they’re supposed to be quiet, he doesn’t have the kind of luck to ever actually successfully hide, “DEAD PEOPLE, THAT’S WHO!”. 

“So you admit it! You’re dead!”.

“Bitch I will slap you so damn fast”. 

“Go ahead and try it, Phantom”. 

This time it’s Danny who tackles Wes, winding up on a totally different island, “oh it’s on”, Danny smirks, “Phantom”. 

Wes tries to shove him off but, due to simply not having the muscle Danny does, they just end up rolling around, “I’m not Phantom, you are!”. 

Danny mocks back in a squeaky voice, “I know you are, but what am I?”. 

“Oh my Zone, I’m going to kill you”. 

“Good luck with that one, the line ups pretty long”. 

“I wonder why?!?!”. 

“Eat a dick, Wes”. 

The two continue bickering and rolling around on the ground, Ember and Kitty watching from afar. Keeping a safe distance from Walker who’s looking at the Phantoms? with disgust. Ember elbows Kitty, “what did I tell you? I know he beats himself up -Spectra wouldn’t love him so much if he didn’t- but this is a little literal”. 

Kitty raises an eyebrow at her, “only one of those is Phantom”.

“What?!? No way, one’s just a duplicate. A crappy one but still”.

Kitty rolls her eyes, “girl, I thought you knew all about hairstyles. And look, their musculature is totally different. That ain’t a duplicate”. 

Walker is just keeping his distance and gathering information; doing anything regarding the little punk without information had cost him far too many prisoners. 

Ember glares, “well then who the heck is the weird Phantom?”. 

Kitty shrugs, “doesn’t Phantom have a daughter or something. That little black and white girl that’s, like, _never_ around? Maybe he’s got a son now too”.

Ember blinks at her before sputtering, “he has a what now??? How did _that_ happen???”.

The two? ‘Phantoms’ stop rolling around at snap their heads over, the DP one looking mildly like he’s choking the other while he shouts, “he’s not my son!”. The other one promptly shouting as well, “I am _not_ this ghost assholes son!”. 

Kitty points, “uh, _you’re_ a ghost. Just thought I’d point that out”. 

While Ember throws her hands out to the side, “then who the Zone are you?”. 

“No one!”. 

DP Phantom snorts, “well that’s a dumb name”. 

“Says the guy who’s names _rhyme_ ”. 

“So does yours’”. 

“My name‘s not Phantom!”. 

DP Phantom leans back, functionally sitting on the other ones chest, “I don’t know man, it’s got a nice ring to it”.

Other ‘Phantom’ promptly punches him in the face, “fuck you!”. Walker smirks at that. 

Ember and Kitty raise their eyebrows over DP Phantom just flopping over and laying on the ground. No way that ‘punch’ even registered as pain to him. 

DP Phantom chuckles, “didn’t know you had it in you, _Phantom_ ”.

“Fuck”, wheeze, “Off”. 

“Dude, you _really_ don’t need the whole breathing thing”, earning him a weak smack. 

Ember clears her throat, “so now that you’re done ‘getting acquainted’ -which cool you’re doing that violently, very ghostly- what does she mean by ‘daughter’?”. 

Danny sits up, raises an eyebrow, and gestures to him and Wes, “uh, little busy here”, rolling his eyes, “and she’s two”.

Ember throws her hands out to the side, “and _why_ haven’t I seen her?”.

Kitty puts her hands on her hips, “I did just say she wasn’t Zone bound much”. Huffing when Ember just ignores her. 

Danny glares slightly, “she does what she wants”. 

Wes blinks, “wait, you _really_ do have a kid. That wasn’t just doctored ghost gossip?”. 

“Why would ghosts just make that up?”

“Why do ghosts do anything?!?”.

Walker’s officially sure he’s dealing with two Phantom’s, not one and a duplicate, “the only thing either of you will be doing is getting cuffed and collared”. 

DP Phantom points at him, “kinky”, before grabbing other Phantom and physically throwing him over the edge. Promptly diving over after, with Walker in hot pursuit. 

Danny pulls Wes's face to his own, “let’s stop being idiots and get the Zone out of here. Cause I don’t know ‘bout you, but I’d rather not get branded”. 

“Would he _really_? That’s seriously what you’re worried about here?”.

Danny glares, “Oh like you don’t know the crap I deal with”, and drops him before starting to run off, followed by Wes. 

Wes wheezing a bit, “there’s a. ghost who. threatens to skin. you. You ghost bastards. are overdramatic”. 

Danny snorts, “says the _ghost bastard_ who screams through a megaphone”. 

“I do not. scream!”.

“Oh please, you lost your voice for three days once! You scream like you’re trying to peel people’s faces off”. 

“They’re so. blind they. wouldn’t even notice. if I did actually. peel their. faces off”.

Danny pauses and shrugs at Wes, “I’m not even going to debate that one”, and starts off again. Everyone in Amity really was impressively oblivious. 

The two raise their eyebrows at Kitty driving up next to them on Johnny’s bike, “get on idiots. Ember will end me if she can’t meet your kid”. 

Danny just hops on, not questioning her motivations; wrapping his arms around Kitty’s waist. Wes is far less accepting, still gets on behind Danny though, “why are you, a ghost, helping out here?”. 

Kitty laughs, “ _you_ are a ghost. And because fuck the police. Walker specifically”. Wes just huffs. 

Danny quirks an eyebrow at her, “with Johnny’s bike?”.

“Stole it”.

Danny snorts, “oh great, I’m a catalyst for anarchy and generalised crime”. 

Wes rolls his eyes painfully hard, “what’s new?”. Danny kicks him, score four for the detective. 

Kitty giggles as she drives sneakily past a few of Walker’s goons, “other you is right you know. You literally overthrew our highest level of government and cheated our highest section of law”. 

“They were trying to assassinate me!”. 

While Wes shouts, “I am not him! Wait, _assassins_???”. 

“Blame the apocalypse, don’t worry ‘bout it”. 

“That doesn’t make any sense! And I think the fuck I will! I look like you”. 

Danny moves his hand from Kitty’s waist to point over his shoulder at Wes, “you already did”.

“Fuck you. I looked like you, my ass”. 

Kitty mutters, “I am so confused and I’m not sure I don’t want to be”. 

Danny snorts, “considering everything, I think your ass would agree with me. It’s got more sense than your brain, you sure think with it more”. 

Kitty chokes and goes bug-eyed. Danny rolls his eyes at her, “no, not like _that_ ”. 

Wes ignores Kitty entirely, “considering everything’s your fault, Phantom”. 

“I think the fuck not!”. 

“Well maybe if you pulled me out of the portal instead of stepping in it”.

“How about if you didn’t _lay down in it_ ”.

“Your dad knocked me in!”.

“You’re the one who stayed in!”. 

Any further arguing getting cut off by a blast hitting the back tire, sending the three flying. Danny scrambling and yanking up Wes, seriously thankful to see the portal -still open, thank everything- nearby. Physically dragging Wes while shouting over his should at Kitty, “thanks! Elle’s probably in New York!”. Cringing a little at the smoking bike, Johnny was going to re-kill him. Though glad Kitty books it away while sticking her tongue out at Walker. 

Danny and Wes rolling through the portal and across the lab floor seconds later. Danny instantly slamming the big red button to close the doors and locks. Smirking at the clanging sound, “eat an entire dick, you white-suited prick”.

Wes rolls on the floor and groans, “did you _have to rhyme?_ ”. 

Danny smirks and flops to lay on the ground, “yes, absolutely. Go fuck yourself. Did _you_ have to go half off yourself, bodily fling us into the Zone, somehow come out looking like me, and attempt to serve us on a silver platter to Walker”. 

“Not my fault cops hate you”, shifting a little and lifting up his glowing hand to look at it curiously, “what the fucks up with that anyway? Why do I look anything like you?”.

Danny shrugs, “eh, the portal's energy probably passed through me, picking up some of my DNA, and dropped it on your ass”.

“That surprising logical for a D minus student”. Danny smacks him, score five for the detective. 

Danny huffs, “plus you were already in a jumpsuit and you _look like me_ ”. 

“I do not!”. 

“Whatever lets you sleep at night”. 

“Oh my Zone, fuck you”, Wes screws up his face, wait a second, “oh what the fuck, are we _related_ now”.

Danny tilts his head, the floor grabbing at his hair a little in the process, “huh, guess so”, snorting, “guess I _do_ have a son”. Wes audibly scowls, so that's score six for the OG Phantom. 

Both jerk from banging upstairs, a few seconds pass before they both practically launch themselves up off the floor. Both simultaneously realising that there was currently two sorta ghosts in a ghost hunting family’s lab that a ghost hunter was supposed to be returning to at any time; green eyes exchanging panicked looks. 

Danny blots over to one of the tables and uses the lipstick laser to destroy the capture power-nullifying energy belt. Transforming human and turning to Wes and pointing it at his belt but pausing. Speaking when Wes raises an expected eyebrow, “your powers are gonna work if I blast that off. Do you _really_ think you can control them?”.

“Fuck you. Shoot me”, pausing, “not literally”.

Danny puts a hand on his hips, “dude, that shit took _months_. You’re gonna fall through the floor”, rolling his hand around, “then I’d have to explain away you being in the torture dungeon for reasons that don’t involve torture”. 

“The _what_ now?”.

“You heard me”. Wes screws up his face, score seven for the OG Phantom. 

Wes huffs and gestures at himself, “well I can’t just stay here like this”.

Danny goes wide-eyed and grins a bit maliciously -slightly worrying Wes- while he digs around until he produces his own version of the Plasmius Maximus; promptly jabbing Wes while shooting off the belt. Resulting in the sleuth changing back and falling back onto the floor; once again as ginger as ever. 

Not even seconds later Jack comes down and looks curiously at the downed teen. Danny, thinking quick, “he was just so excited that fainted”. 

Jack shrugs but laughs, “might be enough for one day then! You must have really given him the whole run down”. 

Danny grumbling, “oh there sure was some running involved”. 

Jack points over his shoulders, “Mads making supper, he’ll have to be fine by then!”. 

Danny blinks, hearing the beeping of numbers being pushed, “is she...using the microwave?”.

Jack goes wide-eyed and blots back upstairs. Making both halfas sigh in relief, Danny flopping back onto the floor. 

Danny sighs again, “that little zap will wear off in a few hours”.

“Can I just say one thing? Ow”. 

Danny snorts, “you don’t get to say ‘ow’ in the same room as me”. 

“I just _died_ , I think the fuck I do”.

“Oh like you’re the first. Ya empty ketchup bottle”. 

After a while of silence, Wes mutters, “I fucking hate you. Phantom”. 

Danny snorts, “yeah? And I hate you too. _Other Phantom_ ”. 

Wes smacks him. Score eight for the OG Phantom. 

**End.**


End file.
